How I know my co-worker is a Vampire.
How do I know my co-worker is a vampire? Well to be honest. I don’t. However, I have many reasons to believe he could be. I’m not talking about sparkling Twilight faggotry either. I’m talking about the kind of vampires that make you shit your bed.
Reason #1
He is an immigrant from Romania. What’s smack dab in the middle of Romania?
That’s right, boys and ghouls, mother fucking Transylvania. I know what your saying. I can hear your thoughts already… “There’s a shit ton of people in Transylvania! Am I to believe that everybody from the Transylvania area of Romania is a vampire?!” The answer is yes. Yes, you should.
Reason #2
He eats weird shit.
While I can’t prove that he has in fact eaten an animated rabbit, I’ve witnessed some of the atrocities pulled from our extremely dated microwave. The smells alone makes me think death… but then again, I think the same thing about Thai food. I can seldom identify his meal based on its appearance. Normally it’s an off colored pulp. It’s really hard to say.
Reason #3
He’s good at escaping. Romania has been through hardship after hardship. In 1947, the communist People’s Republic was formed and their king was forced into exile. For the next 42 years, Romania’s people experienced true turmoil. Deadly prison camps, political killings, bizarre medical tests and torture were not unheard of in the slightest. Thankfully, all this changed with the Romanian Revolution of 1989. If you were born prior to 1989 and lived in Romania you wanted to gtfo. And that’s exactly what my co-worker did. He literally had to escape Romania. He did so by stowing away in a cargo container. There is another individual who had to do his fair share of escaping which brings me to my next reason.
Reason #4
His last name is Vlad. For you vampire buffs this needs no explanation… for everybody else: In the mid 1400s, Vlad Tepes, better known as Vlad the Impaler fought against the Ottoman Empire. Vlad, in an attempt to intimidate his opponent, impaled thousands of his own people (women and children included). It worked. He would also poison the water supply in different villages so when it was conquered the Empire would either drink the poison or die of dehydration. Bram Stoker gave Vlad the Impaler the name Dracula because of Vlad’s dad, Vlad Dracul.
These are really the only reasons I have to think that my co-worker is a vampire. While these aren’t definitive reasons, they do make me wonder. In conclusion: I’m pretty fucking sure he IS a vampire. A day walker or something. Maybe he is getting bored of his immortality so he decided to become a lowly computer tech. Idk.
