Arrow in the knee… er… phone.
I used to enjoy my smartphone like you, but then:
So Sprint. What can I say? Your QoS is absolutely terrible. Your customer support is terrible. After nearly 45 minutes of repeatedly asking the same questions and not getting answers to the questions I ask, you’ve left my blood a-blaze. My face is red, my heart is pounding and I want nothing more than to MacGruber throat rip your entire staff.
Is sending a picture or checking my FB via my phone too much for your feeble network to handle? It really must be because amongst all of your rhetoric and apologies, this is the conclusion you’ve left me to come to. I can sympathize with you. I understand that your employees are giving me their deepest most sincere apologies their minimum wage job entitles time to give but frankly you should stop apologizing for my phone issues and start apologizing for your inability to answer simple questions. You’re not perfect. It’s okay… as long as you uphold your half of the bargain.
Lets start off with a hypothetical scenario. I go to Olive Garden. I order the Tour of Italy because the picture looks great:
I fucking love lasagna. Fettuccine alfrado? Yes, please! Chicken Parm? This dish has everything I want! I tell the slightly overweight waitress (who in this fantasy has earlobes that sag from the plugs she isn’t currently wearing and faded green, possibly at one point blue, hair poking out from under her Olive Garden issued hat) that I’d like to have the Tour of Italy.
Now, my order has been placed and I am left under the impression that I will be getting a delicious meal that closely reflects the provided picture from the menu.
I wait.
Finally I’m upset. Where is the food I ordered? Where is that poorly put together waitress? I ultimately flag down a large black man carrying salads.
I’m upset… but I don’t want to seem racist (nor do I want to get shot) so I kindly ask little Black Sambo if he wouldn’t mind finding my frumpy waitress. He immediately starts apologizing. He doesn’t know who my waitress is. Fair enough. It’s a big restaurant. However, my food still hasn’t arrived and now I’m second guessing my choice of Olive Garden. “Shoulda gone to Chili’s.” Determined to take my tour of Italy, I wait for Eddie Murphy to go find my waitress. After some time, he comes back with food.
This is not what I ordered. I grab darkness and tell him that this isn’t what I ordered. He looks at me as though I personally popped a cap in two pock shakoor. He then explained to me that alfredo sauce and chicken might not be available in my area and that all food might be covered with white mspaint spray-paint but it should be edible. Not wanting to offend Spooky, I take the dish. I try a bite out of each mini entree. It’s all terrible. I mean… it’s either missing or is covered with white spray-paint.
Frumpy eventually shows up to sloppily poor water into whats left of my Sprite and deliver the check. I take one look at the check and tell this girl that I am refusing to pay for my dish. I ate your fucking bread sticks and drank most of my watery Sprite. Charge me for that. I didn’t even eat this god damn Tour of Ass. After explaining my grief, she smiles and fades into a mist. A moment later her supervisor shows up. Again, I explain the dilemma of my poor satisfaction and customer service. The manager then apologizes. Balloons, confetti, and Olive Garden gift cards fall from a trap door in the ceiling. While I didn’t get the food I wanted, I did leave happy because I knew that the organization really DID try to make this okay. They didn’t charge me and all was right in the universe.
END FANTASY!
Sprint, take a lesson from this hypothetical Olive Garden situation. If you’d like to have happy customers, give them what they expect… or at least whats in the picture. If you fail to deliver then do what you can to restore faith in your machine. Freebies, discounts, refunds, you name it. It isn’t a hard concept.
In conclusion, FUCK SPRINT. They can’t deliver the features they advertise and don’t care to appease you. They’ll ream you with cancellation fees if you cancel and will bullshit you around customer support until you are so pissed you don’t even want to deal with it anymore.
Now if only Olive Garden was a cell phone carrier…
VENT ACCOMPLISHED.
